The Many Faces of Tura Satana

ATTACK OF THE VEGAN ZOMBIES!!!

A Review by BJ-C

Back when I was just a wee little board whore on Bloody-Disgusting, I kept making a mention that there was potential business in a naturalized zombie outbreak that hadn’t been tapped into quite yet. However, thanks to first-time director Jim Townsend (and B-Sol), I finally got to see it put into motion! When a married couple’s farm produces yet another year’s worth of spoiled crop for wine production, the wife Dionne goes to her witch mother. Literally, she’s a witch. While Dionne has left behind her bewitching family craft, her mother helps cast a spell in order to save the next year's crop.

While most zombie freaks expect infected primates or crazy voodoo, with Attack of the Vegan Zombies we are given an entirely new origin for the undead. The ritual to save the crop required human blood and without a warning, the husband was volunteered. Well, the man lives on a vineyard, so what do you think was coursing through his veins? Dionysus would have been extremely proud of our husband character. Simpler terms? HOMEBOY WAS WAAAASTED. The crop comes in seemingly well, despite the unknown blood alcohol level. The crop is then harvested, new characters are introduced in pairs, vines go insane, and undead chaos ensues. I must make mention that the film has killer vines that attack like something out of a Sam Raimi forest. Literally.

However, the undead chaos isn’t exactly what you may expect. While the typical zombie is used to gnawing on human remains and slurping up brains, the zombies from the mind of Jim Townsend are of a higher class, if you will. They don’t want to eat brains and remains, but alcohol within your blood? That’s more like it.

The gore is kept to a minimum, there’s a lesbian scene that SO could have been longer, and the makeup on the zombies could've been applied using the contents of a crayola box. While I’m normally the one to complain about bad makeup, this is a film in which they weren’t trying to impress us; rather, they just added crappy green makeup and went on with their lives. A ballsy move, but I get it.

The film itself is quite enjoyable, but it is clearly an independent film. Most of the acting is downright painful, and the editing could really use some tweaking, but that almost adds to the film’s charm. Plenty of scenes absolutely scream "b-movie tribute", but there’s also a touch of spoof and monster flick tossed in for good measure. As much as the film is a b-movie, I regret to inform you that there is only one nude scene. Sorry, kids.

The film is extremely predictable, and it’s supposed to be. Those involved are clearly in on the joke, and it makes the film twice as enjoyable than if you take it too seriously. Fans of the dialogue of Army of Darkness will enjoy the script, and fans of “good-bad” movies will eat this up.

I’m not going to lie to you and tell you this is the greatest independent, low-budget b-movie ever made. I will tell you that if you’re into really obviously ridiculous films, you’re in for a treat. I’m one to always admit that I love “shitty” films, but not because they’re awful, just because they’re not trying to be something they’re not. Attack of the Vegan Zombies isn’t trying to change the zombie genre, and it’s not trying to reinvent the b-movie sub-genre. It just is what it is, and I respect the film for it.

TRAILER TRASH: Roger Corman Edition!

In honor of last night's Lifetime Achievement Oscar winner!

VAULTCAST: Conversations in the Dark... w/Sean Abley

Time once again for Conversations in the Dark, boys and girls. This week, join me and Sean Abley of (the late?) Fangoria.com's Gay of the Dead blog, as we discuss our favorite "guilty pleasure" horror movies. Sean is a really cool guy who bestowed his "Brains for Days" blog award on the VoH earlier this week, and even plugged my daughter's blog Book-Town in the process, so he's officially a big-time FoV (Friend of the Vault), and I encourage you to check his stuff out.

But tonight, From I Spit on Your Grave and Giant Spider Invasion to Slime City and Terrorvision, we delve deeply into the realm of "so bad it's good." Won't you join us in the celebration of badness?

Check it out in the embedded player below, or you can either listen in at the Vaultcast homepage, or download the Vaultcast directly...

Conversations in the Dark: Sean Abley

The Vaultcast!

Hump-Day Harangue: Bruce Campbell--What's the Big Deal?

Another guest-harangue from Marilyn Merlot, who dares to question the appeal of one of horror's most beloved thespians...

The more important question after this might be how many women are not going to be a fan of me? Yes, I’m putting it out there. I never saw the big appeal of Bruce Campbell.

I know he’s a big fan favorite with horror websites, blogs, etc. But when I started reading through the interviews for Ms. Horror Blogosphere that the handsome Mr. Solomon put together, I started to ask myself the same question that he was asking some of the lovely contestants. “So what is it about Campbell that you all like, anyway?”

So I thought about it, too. I started off like many other people, catching him as Ash in the Evil Dead movies. At first glance back then, I thought, not bad, easy on the eyes, nice body. Then I was like, okay, this is what everyone’s talking about? Here he’s supposed to be a “real man”--a hero, even. But instead, he’s this whiny little bitch who is just as scared as the girls, and screaming like one. So, if you were his girlfriend, he would be someone you cannot rely on. He would be more likely to throw you in front of himself in self-defense.

Then there is the disaster of Evil Dead II. He is fighting with a possessed hand--enough said. I’ll be honest, I actually had a hard time getting through that movie. I found it laughable at times. I understand that he is a B-movie guy and definitely a B. or maybe C-actor at best. Don’t get me wrong, I like my B-horror movies, but with Bruce and his movies it’s just the same old thing after a while.

For instance, let’s jump ahead to My Name is Bruce. Here, he is still trying to capitalize on the character of Ash from The Evil Dead. Seriously, Bruce? Ash is long gone and done with, let him go. Even Corey Feldman knew he made a mistake when he went back to make Lost Boys: The Tribe. Then, to see someone in his 50s still chasing young starlets around who may be just turning 20 is a little creepy.

When all is said and done, you have a huge fan following, Bruce Campbell, and have made a fine living out of your movies. So until the next Evil Dead movie, I will continue to laugh at your expense.

Rare Interview with a B-Horror Legend

This morning I'd like to direct your attention to a candid Q&A with one of the true immortals of schlock cinema, the one and only Herschell Gordon Lewis. One Aaron W. Tellock, horror movie writer for Examiner.com--a fine website I myself used to write for--currently has an interview up which he conducted yesterday with the director of such gems as Blood Feast, 2,000 Maniacs, Something Weird, The Gore Gore Girls, and of course, The Wizard of Gore, Juno's favorite horror movie.

Lewis talks about breaking into the biz, doing the convention circuit, why horror flicks today suck, and even discusses his return to the director's chair for the soon-to-be-released Grim Fairy Tale.

I encourage all to check it out here.

More VHS Box Cover Madness!!

For this, the momentous 500th POST for The Vault of Horror, I'm granting loyal Vault Dweller and fellow former WWE employee/commiserater Jonathan, a.k.a. "J-Rock", the spotlight. You see, inspired by last week's top 10 list of the most memorable old school VHS box covers, J-Rock dug into his own collection and procured a bunch of movies on tape that he had bought some years ago on the cheap when his local mom-and-pop video store went out of business.

And here today, I present to you the painstakingly scanned cover images that greeted me this morning in my inbox, courtesy of my good friend in horror...


God, I used to love covers like this. "Banned in 31 Countries". And dig that extended warning message on the bottom. How could you pass this one up?


And of course, the back cover--with an even better look at that priceless "warning". Twenty-four scenes of barbaric torture and sadistic cruelty. Count me in! Honey, heat up the popcorn!


Here's one I remember very well, with artwork that was an obvious knockoff of Fulci's Gates of Hell cover (or was it the other way around?) Serious flashback--thanks, John!


First runner-up for "Coolest Tagline for a Zombie Movie, Ever." Right behind, "We are going to eat you!"


A putrid gem of the much maligned yet oh-so-glorious Nazi zombie subgenre, soon to be revived thanks to Dead Snow. Kudos to you, Wizard Video, for your lack of distribution scruples. And John--$5.25, not a bad deal, my man.


If we are to believe the hype, then this could very well be the first direct-to-video horror movie. Don't know if these folks deserve to be commended, or euthanized.


Wow. That is one sweet cover, can't deny that. Who says horror is misogynistic??

Once again, thanks to J-Rock for this delicious cache of '80s VHS goodness. What better subject matter for my 500th post? I really can't even believe I've managed to write this much crap about horror movies in the past 19 months! Thanks goes out to all my loyal supporters who have helped make the VoH one of the cornerstones of the horror blogosphere--and here's to the next 500.

Ray Dennis Steckler 1938-2009

In the world of horror schlock cinema, Ray Dennis Steckler made Lloyd Kaufman look like Robert Zemeckis, and Roger Corman look like Steven Spielberg. Yet there was a cult audience even for his bottom-of-the-barrell grindhouse output--chiefly due to his most "popular" film, 1964's The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies.

But writer/director/producer Steckler put out a steady stream of z-grade drive-in stinkers throughout the 1960s, ranging from the rock n' roll exploitation movie Wild Guitar to the kiddie flick The Lemon Grove Kids Meet the Monsters.
Aside from Mixed-Up Zombies, his horror non-classics also included The Thrill Killers and Blood Shack. He even produced the film Ski Fever, directed by hard-up former Universal scripter Curt Siodmak. As for Mixed-Up Zombies itself, the Caligari-inspired tale of a man turned into the undead by a gypsy fortune teller for dating her stripper sister would eventually become an MST3K favorite.

Under one of many pseudonyms he would use over the years (Sven Christian, Wolfgang Schmidt, Cindy Lou Sutters, Harry Nixon, Christopher Edwards, Cash Flagg, etc.) he descended into the world of softcore porn in 1968 with Sinthia, The Devil's Doll. It wasn't long before softcore became hardcore, and at first Steckler tried blending skin with horror, resulting in gems like The Horny Vampire and Sexorcist Devil.

Steckler had transitioned fully into adult films by the mid 1970s, producing and directing a string of them during smut's glorious pre-VHS heyday of the late 1970s and early 1980s. Many of these films starred his future ex-wife Carolyn Brandt.

When VHS took over in the '80s, Steckler tried to transition back into "mainstream", which in his case meant more horror drek like Las Vegas Serial Killer. His last movie was 1997's Summer of Fun, after which he stepped away from the camera and started up a video distribution business in Las Vegas, which he ran until his retirement two years ago.

Ray Dennis Steckler died of a heart attack on January 7, leaving behind a body of work of decidedly bad quality. Yet, for those for whom yesterday's trash cinema is like fine wine that gets better with age, Steckler's passing is certainly an event worthy of some reflection. The Vault of Horror salutes you, Mr. Steckler, on your journey to bad movie heaven. Say hi to Ed for me!