TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN

Written by Ehren Kruger, Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman
Directed by Michael Bay
Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel and John Turturro


Optimus Prime: Fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of our choosing.

I am having a difficult time figuring out how to express my feelings about TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN. Upon seeing the first TRANSFORMERS, it was simple; I hated it. It angered me, in fact. I had been a big fan of the toys themselves as a kid and so had high hopes for a big screen adaptation. In my mind, it was an easy update but somehow director, Michael Bay, managed to find a way to take my childhood nostalgia and transform those memories into the kind of mind numbing garbage that he insists on forcing upon the film going public time and time again. This time out though, I knew what to expect, so the threshold of disappointment was exponentially smaller. And so I’m not nearly as angry as I was in 2007 but I got exactly what I was expecting, which is essentially just more of the same. By that logic, I should dislike it just as much. Instead, I’m more apathetic than anything else. At least it didn’t get any worse.


Fans of the first TRANFORMERS may actually be disappointed this time around. To go back and watch the first installment now, after the novelty factor has worn off on the superb special effects behind the Transformers themselves, would likely be disappointing for most fans. Without the wow-factor of the heavy metal to weigh it down, the film’s inconsistencies and banalities float to the surface. The same can be said about this sequel. We’ve all seen these majestic creatures before so what is there to be excited about this time out? The story? The acting? This is a Michael Bay picture; if it isn’t about the explosions and the girls, then it isn’t about anything at all. A special effects driven sequel has one goal only – to be bigger and, when it comes to Bay’s films, more bombastic than its predecessor. When the climax of your film amounts to countless explosions and shots of Megan Fox running in slow motion though, the approach is far too transparent to be appreciated. At least it was easier to tell who was fighting whom this time.


People often criticize me for expecting a decent story in blockbuster entertainment. We all know its possible … SPIDER-MAN? THE DARK KNIGHT? IRON MAN? Yet still, the general population is much more apt to forgive story holes in bigger movies because it isn’t the most important element of these pictures. Knowing that it is possible only infuriates me when I see films that don’t even seem interested in trying to flesh out a plausible story. The premise for REVENGE OF THE FALLEN is triggered when Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) finds a small chunk of the cube the Decepticons (bad guys) wanted to take control of in the first film in the pocket of his sweater he was wearing back on that fateful day. Upon touching it, it gets real hot, falls through the floor and lands in the Witwicky kitchen, subsequently transforming all the appliances into menacing little robots. So for two inexplicable years, the cube fragment lied dormant in a cotton sweater – cotton apparently being the cube’s kryptonite equivalent. When the start of your premise has holes, I just feel it’s pretty lazy to not come up with a stronger one. As for the rest of the plot, the Transformers rumble around the globe pretty much and humanity isn’t sure how comfortable they are with that.


Bay gives us exactly what he always does in TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN because that is truly all he is capable of. Bay, who just loves critics because all they do is tear him apart, knows nothing of nuance and his approach to filmmaking is fairly childish, in a paint-by-numbers-like fashion. He thinks that people want big bombs, big boobs and big egos and arguably, judging from the money his flicks pull in most of the time, the people do want these things. Bringing nothing new to the table though only exposes how thin his direction truly is. Bay made this movie to appeal directly to the teenage male mind because he clearly still operates himself under the same principles that govern that mindset. The trouble is, some of us who remember playing with Transformers as boys fondly have actually grown up now and need just a little brain with our beauty.

TRANSFORMERS

Written by Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman
Directed by Michael Bay


Optimus Prime: Sorry, my bad.

No, it is I who is sorry, Optimus Prime, for I do not accept your apology. You can hardly be held accountable for the two-hour plus mess that is TRANSFORMERS, 2007’s tent pole original blockbuster, but my anger needs to be directed somewhere. Seeing as how director Michael Bay is not standing here in front of me, you my fictional friend will have to do. It could have all been so simple. You had a pretty solid cartoon back in the 80’s. The Autobots and Decepticons had their crews in check and their goals set. Both teams found themselves here on Earth. The Decepticons were bent on bleeding the world of its energy to bring back to your home planet somewhere so that they could rule while you were here to stop them and protect us simple humans at the same time. They would plot and you would plan and battles would go on with very little involvement on the part of the human race. Why then, in your live action feature film debut, do we see no trace of you but instead a few unpopular Decepticons and a ton of one-liner jokester humans for the first half of this film? Could your agent not negotiate you some more screen time?


The Transformers from the cartoon series had personality, ranging from a corny sense of humour to loyalty to caring. The movie machines, well, they have names and that’s about it. Gone are the neurosis and power struggles, replaced by supposed strength and stature. Standing and looking pretty for our enjoyment only takes us so far. Without squabbling between Megatron and Starscream to scoff at, we’re left to seek out personality from the human faction of this ensemble. Unfortunately, like any “good” action movie, actual colour in a character or a performance is entirely optional. Army boys anxiously await their return to their loved ones at home; high school jocks mock the dorks to look good for their girls; and those same girls can twist their hips just right to catch the setting sun against their bare stomachs. With such reusable filler characters, no actor actually has to try to craft depth into the fold. Luckily, the “IT” boy himself, Shia LaBeouf, is young enough and hungry enough to not forsake his own talents to the point of banality. As Sam Witwicki, TRANSFORMERS’ central human character, LaBeouf is charming, shy and earnest. His performance shines like the brightest piece in a sea of scrap metal and solidifies his face as one that will be seen for many years to come.


Why do I find myself going on and on about people in a review for a movie about machines? Perhaps this is because TRANSFORMERS treats the Transformers like an afterthought most of the time. Granted, they are very elaborate and exquisite constructions but how can they be seen as anything but secondary when some of the most popular Transformers don’t make an appearance until the last third of the film? And as beautiful as the talented folks at Industrial Light and Magic made these reincarnations, they are a bit too complex for their own good. Watching all the metal pieces swerve in and around while the machines transform made me think of the toys I had as a boy. If they were ever that complicated to transform, I doubt I would have played with them for as long as I did. The abundance of detail gets even messier when the Transformers start to rumble with each other. Through what he believes to be fancy camera work, Bay over uses close-up’s and quick editing to turn his machines into metal monstrosities that are at times near impossible to distinguish from one another. You can’t tell who’s who until the metallic mess breaks apart and one machine stands while another has fallen. There’s an awful lot of fighting but it’s also a lot of not being able to tell who’s winning.


It is pointed out to me time and time again that big budget action movies require a good chunk of our brains to be shut off in order to be enjoyed. Are we not tired yet of filmmakers giving us the bare minimum and the same old conventions while expecting us to fall over ourselves at the sight of awesome movie magic? TRANSFORMERS is not horrible because it is a special effects driven action film. It is horrible because it took the enormous potential to be a cheeky, geeky visual wonder and diminished that by dumbing it down to a mess of gunfire, product placement and hollowed-out, clunky machines. While it can be fun to relax our minds and enjoy the good times, it is not acceptable to dangle a shiny piece of metal before our eyes to distract us from seeing that that’s all you got.