R.I.P. Monsters HD

I had heard the rumors, but was refusing to process them in my brain. Monsters HD, the greatest thing to happen to horror fans since the invention of television, was not long for this world.

And sure enough, I went over to my parents' place earlier this week, switched over to their HD lineup, only to discover that, indeed, Monsters HD was no more.

Apparently, in light of the imminent full-switch to HD, all of Optimum/Cablevision's HD-original channels, provided by Optimum's Voom subsidiary, have been buried for good. The channel, which broadcast all kinds of uncut horror and sci-fi flicks since 2003, went away forever as of last Monday night.

A sad development if ever there was one. I had really grown to love that channel, as had my monster-crazy son. I'm still puzzled as to why they would pull these HD channels in the first place, since it was in no way interfering with the introduction of the new HD lineup of regular channels, but what do I know?

Monsters HD and its brethren channels had already been dropped by Dish Network, its other major carrier, nearly a year ago.

Although some complained about what they saw as annoying repetition in Monsters HD's lineup, there was enough variety among the selections to keep me in perpetual horror bliss. I was impressed by the breadth of content available on their channel, and really, how can anyone complain about a 24-hour commercial-free TV channel that featured everything from classic Universal, to Hammer, to '50s giant bugs, to direct-to-video '90s schlock and everything in between? They showed all the frickin' Blind Dead movies, for crying out loud!

Oh, well. For the time being, I suppose I'll have to settle for Chiller, which is a piss-poor substitute for sure. I'm hoping Optimum might pick up FEARnet, but even that doesn't hold a candle to the glory that was MonstersHD.

Monsters HD = Manna from Heaven

I recently discovered the best thing to happen to TV-watching horror movie fans since Universal leased out its back catalogue to syndication in the 1960s. It's called Monsters HD, a high-definition movie channel that plays nothing but horror and sci-fi favorites around the clock, in glorious widescreen. Why hadn't anyone thought of this before? And why did it have to wait until the HD era? Beats me, but I'm not looking a gift horse in the mouth.

To give you just an example of what I'm talking about, here is a sampling of the films being offered on Monsters HD during this very month:

• Planet of the Apes
• Bride of Frankenstein
• The Day the Earth Stood Still
• The Raven
• Horror of Dracula
• Bubba Ho Tep
• Day of the Dead
• Dragonslayer
• The Fog
• Poltergeist
• An American Werewolf in London
• The Thing (both versions)
• Tombs of the Blind Dead
• One Million Years B.C.
• The Mummy (Hammer)
• Halloween
• The Omen
• The Abominable Dr. Phibes

My wife has (correctly) pointed out that were I to have Monsters HD at home, I would probably never leave the house. Unfortunately, I only came to discover the channel because my parents have it. Yes, dear old Mom and Dad have entered the world of high-def before me. But that's OK, because now that they've moved out here to the wiles of Connecticut from the mean streets of Bensonhurst, Brooklyn, flicks like Motel Hell, The Howling and Waxwork are just a two-minute car ride away. I haven't spent this much time with the folks since I got married.

Monsters HD is currently available to subscribers of Optimum iO TV and Dish Network. But only those with HD, of course. Sadly, I discovered that you can't even record the movies on a videocassette. Boooo! I guess it's all part of cable/sattelite's master plan to persuade everyone to switch over to HD as soon as possible. Consider me convinced. As for the wife--well, I'm hoping they'll start up a Hallmark Channel HD real soon...

** 5/14 UPDATE ** Well, it looks like the Solomon curse has struck again. No sooner do I sing the praises of Monsters HD than Dish Network promptly drops the channel. Apparently, there's a big legal squabble going on, with Dish citing low ratings and repetitive programming as the cause, and Monsters HD claiming breach of contract. But the service is still available via Optimum iO, which means I'm still in business.