Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Ms. Alba, Haven't You Done Enough Harm Already?

As if her lame retread of the Chinese cult favorite The Eye hasn't built enough ill will toward Jessica Alba amongst genre fans, the vacuous actress has now seen fit to desecrate some of the finest horror films ever made.

In a new cover story for Latina magazine, Alba ineptly attempts to recreate famous scenes from her five supposedly favorite horror movies. Check out this cringe-worthy Psycho shot:


If only young Jessica possessed a tenth of the poise, class and chops of a Janet Leigh, this might not be nearly as sad. Want more? Here's her take on Rosemary's Baby:


Check her out displaying the acting skills she honed on the Disney Channel. And speaking of sacrilege, here's Jessie's impersonation of Tippi Hedren in The Birds:


Alba has some better luck with Scream, in which she steps into the shoes of an actress nearly as inane and irritating as herself:


Notice how they made sure that Ghostface can actually be seen creeping up on her, just so readers would be able to tell what movie it's supposed to be? Nice touch. If you have the constitution for one more, here's a rather artful--if only loosely adapted--tribute to The Exorcist:


Now if only that ceiling wasn't there, then maybe she might have simply floated away into the stratosphere, so that we would no longer have to be subjected to drek like Good Luck Chuck and FF: Rise of the Silver Surfer.